Fatshionelle

melasaurus:

paisleypaisley:

melasaurus:

climatecontrolled:

My life in a nutshell. People who are average-sized, thin, not-morbidly obese don’t realize how much larger people have to think about their size and shape when trying to fit in (no pun intended) to social situations. I routinely find myself thinking about these things, feeling guilty about how much space I occupy, etc.

My point is think before you call someone “fat” or “huge.” Chances are they already know.

The first frame I can identify with so well. Even now my old habits die hard and I’m trying to recondition myself, but getting used to my body when it is sat down is proving harder than I originally thought. My fat changes itself when I sit down and I instantly look much larger, I’m not upset about this but somewhere deep in me I’m still conditioned to be afraid that I will “look fat” like this, so I cross my arms over myself, or put my bag and coat over my lap to hide the stomach rolls. Coming to terms with my body from all angles and positions will be a long process for sure as I have to go through the acceptance phases for each one.

Honestly, I still sometimes think it is just me who does this stuff and that it’s my own problem. Even with Fat Acceptance and everything I get involved in, it is so hard not to internalize these things and feel like there must be something wrong with me.

The bus thing. Totally. Like you said, I sometimes feel *bad* about how much space I take up. WHICH IS ABSURD. I take up the amount of space of a person. A person exactly my size. That is completely valid.

I definitely think that every time people are laughing anywhere in my vicinity they are laughing at me/my fatness/my audacity to wear the clothes I wear considering my fatness. And I am incredibly relieved to learn that this is not just me.

I’ve gotten over a little of the eating in front of people thing, though I have a really hard time accepting food that is offered to me. As if people offer me food to trap me into revealing what a fattie I am…or something.

And yes, I have been told by so-called friends that I would be prettier if I lost “just a few pounds.” Fuck that. I can be really pretty when I want to, and losing just a few pounds would do pretty much zilch to my physical appearance.

In one of my classes today, we have the chairs with the tiny little writing surface attached to one side, and I find them pretty uncomfortable to sit in because my butt is so large that I have pretty much no space between myself and my laptop to get a good angle for typing. In this room there are, however, a few slightly larger chairs of a similar design, which I find more comfortable. Yet, for some reason, today I felt awkward about going for that chair because I was actually afraid it would point out my fatness if I took the “big” chair, so I sat in an uncomfortable chair instead.

Which is SO stupid because it’s my super feminist class where I TALK ABOUT my experiences as a “plus-size” woman like it’s NBD. So why the fuck do I care what chair I sit in?

I hate internalized fatphobia so much and I wish it was easier to scour it out of me. It’s a slow process but I’m working my way there.

Reblogging for commentary.

I think it’s easy for a lot of people with thin privelige — even people who are very anti-body judgment — to really understand what it’s like to go through a day in the life of a fat person.

I have a friend who’s very fat-positive but of “ideal” (whatever that really means) body size, and we were watching a film where a fat woman is trying to lose weight by jogging. While jogging she’s ridiculed by people and essentially told she’s too fat to be seen in public. She gets frustrated and upset, crying that she’d been made fun of so much all she was trying to do was lose weight but she wasn’t even able to do that without being torn down completely. My friend expressed incredulity at this, turning to me and saying something akin to “But that sort of thing is fiction, right?”

As much as she was aware of fat-hatred and fat-shaming, she really didn’t get that this is absolutely a reality for us. That we have to worry about folding our arms over our stomachs to make ourselves as “small” as possible, that we have to survey the room to figure out which desks we can sit or fit into without dirty looks or that awkward moment of realizing your stomach is hanging over your desk and everyone can see it. Of wondering if everyone around you is judging you for what you eat.

Thankfully I’ve moved past the point in my life where these things shame me. Other people trying to make themselves feel bigger by making other people feel smaller no longer make me feel poorly about myself— they make me feel pity for a person who feels that this is the way they view the world. But for a lot of people that isn’t true— the majority of people, in fact. Fat people are told that they are huge and hideous and disgusting and it’s all their fault. If they didn’t eat so much/exercise/weren’t so lazy they could be pretty like everyone else, and we should be constantly jeering them for daring to look different. We should shame them into being thinner, because that totally works and is why we have no more fat people in the world.

So next time your friends make a fat joke, or the next time you look at someone and go “Ugh, they really would be prettier if that skirt was a few inches shorter and hid their knee fat,” remember how harming body policing can be. Especially for someone for whom the above is already an every day experience. Your “helpful advice” may do more harm than you can possibly imagine.

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